so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
