Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
