every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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