and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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