I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
