dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
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Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I have feelings that need drinking.
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At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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