whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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