just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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