i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
