Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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