Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
