Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
