im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
