Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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