My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
