i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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