You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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