Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
