why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
