Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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