The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
