u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
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