At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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