I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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