I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
