I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
