Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
