u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
