Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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