i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
