i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
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