and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
