I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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