She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
