Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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