This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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