Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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