my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
