He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
did i walk over a car last night?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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