I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
