Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
