I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
