The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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