She said her name was "party"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
