fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
