Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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