I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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