Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
