Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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