He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
