Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
