we have officially lost it.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
