his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I am available for nakedness
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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