dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
