the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
