Buhtt sex?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
