until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
