i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She announced her abortion via fbk
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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