Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
