I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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