The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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