yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
