you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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