May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize