I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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