burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
