it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
