it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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